My 2019 Awards Eligibility Post

Frankly, I’m beginning to think the very idea of awards is obsolete, what with climate change and the way the Nikkei’s been acting lately. But if massive, Maoist-prairie-fire-like grassroots movements should arise and demand I be recognized, who am I to demure? The awards for which I am this year eligible are:

  • “Best of Boston,” Sidewalk Busker Drumming On Plastic Bucket category
  • GG Allin Memorial Blood Poisoning Prize
  • 2019 Toledo, Ohio Reading Society “Keeping the ‘Lit’ in ‘Literary'” Award

And my eligible works are as follows:

  • Finnegan’s Wake ‘n Bake, Sty Books: The marriage between James Joyce and stoner humor that we all secretly craved.
  • “Like Tears Down One’s Face Flowed the Wadi On the Hillside,” The New Yorker, 4/35/19 issue: The tale of a rebellious young Somaliland woman who disdains the groom chosen by her father in favor of a qat grower from an enemy subclan. Wacky hijinks ensue in this lighthearted, life-affirming romantic comedy.
  • “(#&*@{,” Asimov’s Science Fiction, March issue. The first ever story in the magazine’s history to be composed entirely of punctuation marks

As Messrs. Bartles and Jaymes did in a previous era, I thank you for your support.

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