Fleischmann’s Yeast!

I have been informed that WordPress puts ads on this blog. I don’t see them in the Author view, so I didn’t know. I find the idea that anyone thinks my writing could somehow be leveraged to sell anything unaccountably amusing, but, y’know, if I’m being called on to endorse products, I want to choose which ones.

Like…

FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST!

Yes, Mr. & Mrs. America, you too may have need of FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST! FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST combats the dread ailments of tired blood, fallen stomach, and enryphasia. When asked, nine of ten doctors recognized that FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST were two words in the English language. For years, I suffered in silence. Now I take FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST three times a day, and suffer as loudly as I want!

But don’t take my word for it. Ask TV funnywoman Laraine Newman!

(Laraine Newman is shown standing in a verdant glade, smiling. She withdraws her lips to reveal a cube of yeast held between her teeth.)

Friends, don’t delay! Ask for FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST anywhere it’s still 1935!

FLEISCHMANN’S YEAST!